Yeah I know that’s barely 3 months from now, but I got my freedom earlier than expected.
I have to thank Rey, my friend who is currently based in Cebu for making that short trip “lighter” than I imagined. Riding a plane was never easy for me, going there was a bumpy ride with turbulence along the way, but it was okay. What really made it heavy was the thought that it’s going to be the day that will change my whole life forever.
When I arrived, memories swarmed me like it was just yesterday when we had a chance to live on our own as a couple in Cebu. It was the first trimester of our journey of being a couple, got married in March 2004, and there we were trying to start anew in a land where we only knew and got each other. Got myself in one of the few call centers at that time and making it to the Top 50 was an achievement in itelf. It was also there where we had our first born Mikki, and the promise of having a beautiful family was to me…somewhat a reality, within reach.
The taxi driver said we’re at I.T. Park already, and meter says it’s Php250 so I gave him Php500, but he doesn’t have change and he only has Php200 for change. So, I said okay, you can have the Php50. Talk about starting the day right, huh?! Good thing Rey, a dear friend of mine was there to welcome me, and I was so glad that he’s willing to be my guide and companion even for that day only.
The US Consular Agency was just a few meters walk from the I.T. Park but getting there seems to be just dragging, I had qualms, was thinking if I had to do it, or would it matter if I didn’t sign at all. But there were things that I found out that made me feel good about the precedented event. Traces of cheating and betrayal were happening even before he called it quits, series of pathetic lies came very clear to me as if I was counting each single lie he has made and mattered all just for one second.
So there, after an hour, I came out free as a bird from the US Consular Agency. Free from all the deceit, the unkind words, and from a person who has never loved me at all. Because if he does, he would have never done all those things to his family.
I wondered if he was ever true to me all our 9 years, including 3 years of steady dating. I don’t know, I rest that to the memories we shared.
But I’m looking forward to a beautiful beginning with my kids, to be the best mother that I will ever be, if I can’t be the best wife. 🙂 Do I still see my self with another man someday? Honestly, yes. I still would want to have somebody who will love me unconditionally, would still love to have somebody who will hug and kiss me and care for me too.
Yep, I’d still want that, that’d be great! But I realized that would be far from happening right now ‘coz if you try to look at it, it’s a package deal already! Buy 1, Take 2…So that would make it harder, but I’m wishing, hoping, that I still deserve that blessing and opportunity to love again.
And yes, it was the divorce papers he so long wanted for me to sign. It was Independence Day of sorts, but I have him to thank…I am free from having to deal with a person who has too many hang-ups in life and one person who doesn’t deserve my love. I’m going to seize each day as it comes, savor it like it’s the last, and love it like there’s no tomorrow!
Went back to CdO later in that afternoon, so it’s better to say I kissed Cebu goodbye on Hearts Day. Thanks to Villa for the halo-halo and the short sweet talk that we had, it has made goodbyes bitter sweet. I felt the love and if only for that, my 8 hours stay in Cebu was worth remembering.
Right now, my playlist only plays 3 songs, Try It On My Own by Whitney Houston, Just The Way You Are, (which happens to be my Andre’s fave song) and We Are The World (Ate Mikki’s graduation song).
I hope that by these songs, there’d be total healing within my heart, and a life full of love and joy for my kids. C’est la vie